He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
