I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
