well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
