low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
