I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
