they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
