Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
