We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
accomplished twins. life is a go
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
