Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
