Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My bed smells like the plague
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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