She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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