Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
