so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize