the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
