Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
