We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
