I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
