Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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