He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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