someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
