Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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