Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
