so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
