I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize