i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
