I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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