have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
