The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
