He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
