Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
