You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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