I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
