Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
