NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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