I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
