the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
