Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
