perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
