He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
