It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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