just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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