my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
