Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
