It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
