Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize