Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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