If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
