The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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