My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
