I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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