I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
