A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Let's get the cat blown out
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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