Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
