please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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