The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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