you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
