Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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