I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize