Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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