I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
