I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
