anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Randomize
