i wish starbucks made bloody marys
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
