You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
do nipples grow back?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
