he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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