I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
