Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
