Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
