you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
