I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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