3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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