I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
