There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize