Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
